So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
