I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
