A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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