Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
