I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
