people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
