Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
