You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
