Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
