I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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