I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
