Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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