I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I think i got beer on your cat.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
