Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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