Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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