I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
