I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
time to smoke my breakfast
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
