tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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