If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
