Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
