last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
