dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
handjob tips. give me some.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
