She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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