I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
