I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
