Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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