But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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