I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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