hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
