You smell like stripper and shame
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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