She just used a chaser for red wine.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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