can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So many bounce houses so little time
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
