You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
