she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
