This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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