Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
