Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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