dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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