I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
