Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
