i was born a porn star she said
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
