Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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