yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
