have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
