sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
