Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
