you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
