Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
