I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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