I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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