He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
